This morning started for me at 6:00am. You know when you wake up in shock - like maybe you slept through your alarm clock or you had a bad dream that seemed to real - it sucks. That's how my day started. In shock. It was not either of the types of shock I just described, I woke up in panic not remember what time I was supposed to work today.... the worst.
I'll give you a little back story... At the beginning on the week, my coworker asked me if I was available to switch shifts with him on Friday (he normally works 12-8:30, I work 10-6:30 ). I told him sure, just get it checked by the boss man and let me know! (He never let me know....)
I needed to get the answer ASAP or do I just go in at my regularly scheduled time and say "Oops, you're fault, you didn't tell me if our switch-a-roo was approved or not, TOO BAD, SO SAD" or did I text him right now and say, "Hey, did you ever get our switch approved, let me know" and expect to get a response within two minutes. Let's just say neither of those happened for me. I did send the text, but didn't get a response until an hour and a half later - an hour and a half before I was supposed to leave my house to go to work. I was livid, to say the least and needed help.
Who do I always go to for help? Mom. I picked up the phone - rattled off my frustrations and of course, she told me what I didn't want to hear. "Maggie, you told him on Monday you'd work for him, keep your promise!" (VOMIT) I wanted to punish him - he sucks at communication and I am going to SHOW HIM!
Next person I called - my Fergie. (This woman must get sick of me always asking for advice but I'm secretly just preparing her for her girls to do this later on in life... or something.) Ferg usually always takes my side AND offers me my mothers advise at the same time and give me the option. OMG - can't someone else just fix my problems?! It was time to put my big girl pants on and respond to his late text message. I confidently responded "Hey I'm really sorry... I never heard back from you about the approval till now and I'm already ready to be at work at 10. I'm not going to be able to switch with you today...."
(Freaking out...)
He responds "Ok I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner but is there anyway we can make it work, I was supposed to be having dinner with my family." (He just got engaged, his fam is in town from NJ... he has every weapon to twist my arm)
I said, "Ya, ok, see you at 12." (Still pissed but realized I have NO place in being the one to punish him. He is a grown man and will figure it out, or not... Not my ball of clay to sculpt)
Finally I get a hold of my boyfriend - a man who has constantly challenged me to grow in my communication (if you don't know me very well, I quite frankly suck at communicating my feelings at times) - and he tells me everything I need to hear and I love him more and more everyday because of this. Of course, these things are not easy and will not be easy but I have to swallow this pill and move on with my life. I have honestly realized that I can at times be a carpet for people to walk all over. I don't always express how I feel in situations or what I want to do.
Today is a day that will change all of that. I will no longer be the girl everyone goes to because they know they will get a "Yes" from me. It is going to be a transition - it will be difficult. Will I say no to everything I don't want to do? Absolutely not. It's just about finding me, what makes me happy, and how to make my time here in this life worth something when I get to the Kingdom.
“When a man is pushed, tormented, defeated, he has a chance to learn something” - Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes
maggie: (n) (insert definition here)
Friday, April 27, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
happy :)
Today was a good day...
For those of you that are not as privileged to know who Judith (my mothaaa, mama, mom) is, I am truly sorry and hope that someday, you will be filled with the grace enough to even be in the same room as this woman. I am not even kidding - those of you that know her, you know that I'm not exaggerating. This lady is top of the line and you'll never meet anyone quite like her.
I often times, in my 25 years, find myself always going to my mom for advice. Even when I was a teenager and supposed to despise my mom, I always went to her first for the advice I knew was going to be real and honest. Easy to swallow? Usually never, but her wisdom and openness to listen and give advice is something I will always treasure and never take for granted. She is my best friend, my mama, and my hero. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I LITERALLY have the best mom in the world. No joke.
"A mother is someone who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take"
- Unknown
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| Just look at the cute lady - what's not to love?! |
I often times, in my 25 years, find myself always going to my mom for advice. Even when I was a teenager and supposed to despise my mom, I always went to her first for the advice I knew was going to be real and honest. Easy to swallow? Usually never, but her wisdom and openness to listen and give advice is something I will always treasure and never take for granted. She is my best friend, my mama, and my hero. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I LITERALLY have the best mom in the world. No joke.
"A mother is someone who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take"
- Unknown
r(evol)ution
When I first happened upon this image on one of my favorite websites, Pinterest, I thought, "weird... this seems ironic that the world LOVE is rooted (backwards, but still there) in such a powerful word like Revolution." After thinking about it, it only seems fitting that a strong passion - to me love is THE strongest - into a word that puts passion into action. Revolution evokes a passion within people to create a change. I think to begin a revolution, love must be at the root - a love for others to help you to change something, a love for what you want to change, and ultimately a love for self to dignify the change.
We all must find love foremost within ourselves to create any type of change - whether that be as intense as a revolution or just a simple change in how we do our hair. I know that I love myself, from where my hairs come out of my head, to the ticklish parts on the bottoms of my feet; however, my brain likes to play tricks on me. There are these things, we all have them, called negative voices. They are in our brain and what we mostly need to remember is that THEY ARE NOT YOU. These negative voices come from negative events in your life (maybe you've failed at something before), negative people in your life (maybe someone you looked up to wasn't the most supportive), and overall from negative propaganda surrounding you (hello popular magazines and your fancy, perfect women). If these voices are not YOU then you have the voice that controls you and everything you think about yourself.
The tricky part is turning these negative voices off and not allowing them a place in your head anymore. I find myself not even hearing voices sometimes and just feeling emotions of doubt, frustration, and unwillingness to come out of my comfort zone - all of these feelings are not me, they are feelings from something that happened in my past. So I will make it a point next time to pause and think about why I am thinking these negative things and convince myself that those negative feelings and thoughts are no longer allowed in my head. Easy, right? NOT! Each day will hit me with new mountains to overcome and I can only hope that remembering who I am, deep down inside - a strong, independent, proud, faithful woman who is full of LOVE to give to others and myself and deserving of all the love in the world - will get me to take the right path to get to the top.
"See, I don't personally trust any revolution where love is not allowed" - Maya Angelou
The tricky part is turning these negative voices off and not allowing them a place in your head anymore. I find myself not even hearing voices sometimes and just feeling emotions of doubt, frustration, and unwillingness to come out of my comfort zone - all of these feelings are not me, they are feelings from something that happened in my past. So I will make it a point next time to pause and think about why I am thinking these negative things and convince myself that those negative feelings and thoughts are no longer allowed in my head. Easy, right? NOT! Each day will hit me with new mountains to overcome and I can only hope that remembering who I am, deep down inside - a strong, independent, proud, faithful woman who is full of LOVE to give to others and myself and deserving of all the love in the world - will get me to take the right path to get to the top.
"See, I don't personally trust any revolution where love is not allowed" - Maya Angelou
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Happy/Miserable
I just attended an organizational meeting for the company I work for and we discussed... hold on... wait for it... we all love it... CHANGE!
At first, I had no idea what we would be discussing but when I realized we had a guest speaker that is when the fear began to sink in because we usually NEVER have a guest speaker and just have meetings to discuss how things are going with our work. That was when I first became uncomfortable, thinking "What is this going to be about? Are we going to be here longer than normal? Is this going to be boring?" All of my questions were quickly answered when the guest speaker, out of nowhere (it wasn't out of nowhere, I just wasn't paying attention and this definitely grabbed my attention) she said "Don't go calling anyone at your table an ignorant SLUT." I immediately found a spot for this woman in my heart, in my mind, and offered her up all of my attention. She made me feel comfortable instantly.
This woman took us on a journey through what change is... She referred to change as transition. It's not like we wake up one day and decide "I am going to change my entire bedroom TODAY." The change takes TIME, and we must put together action steps to get to our ultimate goal of the change we desire. For others, change slaps people in the face - for example, loosing a loved one unexpectedly; however, that immediate change than transfers itself into a transitional time. You have to transition into not having that person in your life anymore, not picking up the phone to dial their number that you'll never forget, and not having a tangible relationship with that person anymore. It's that transition time that is different for every single person. I don't transition through changing things in my life or having this changed in my life the same way that my best friend, boyfriend, mother, or some bum on the street does. I realized a lot today in this meeting, and immediately had so many reasons and explanations for everything I do, say, the way that I act in certain situations that I picked up the phone and rattled them off to my boyfriend. Poor guy, he probably thinks I'm nuts, but I found that in me expressing how I transition, it helps us to better understand one another or at least him to better understand me.
One thing I took away from this meeting/training, was that I needed to find out more about myself, who I am, and what I believe to better understand who I am and how I transition through life. Life is ever changing and it is so vital to not let yourself get in the way of the amazing changes that can take place. Just looking at who I was 10 years ago, in high school - a totally carefree, no strings attached to much, loving life, probably not doing things I should've been doing - I have changed SO much and in some really great and some not so great ways. One person in the group said that she journals... something I have never had an interest in doing, something that sounded boring and blah! But here I am, writing, writing, writing about what I've learned and look forward to this being a place that I can write my feelings about things happening in my life and to be able to share who I find out I am with people I love. These journal entries may be as simple as me saying at the end of the day if I was "Happy or Miserable" and a short sentence of why but I will make it a point to journal every. damn. day..
I tend to be like a clam - hard to open up, but once you can crack my strong shell and hold on everything inside, I might have some treasure to share with you... I hope (there goes the negative voices in my head... I'll explain that later).
“sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down”
At first, I had no idea what we would be discussing but when I realized we had a guest speaker that is when the fear began to sink in because we usually NEVER have a guest speaker and just have meetings to discuss how things are going with our work. That was when I first became uncomfortable, thinking "What is this going to be about? Are we going to be here longer than normal? Is this going to be boring?" All of my questions were quickly answered when the guest speaker, out of nowhere (it wasn't out of nowhere, I just wasn't paying attention and this definitely grabbed my attention) she said "Don't go calling anyone at your table an ignorant SLUT." I immediately found a spot for this woman in my heart, in my mind, and offered her up all of my attention. She made me feel comfortable instantly.
This woman took us on a journey through what change is... She referred to change as transition. It's not like we wake up one day and decide "I am going to change my entire bedroom TODAY." The change takes TIME, and we must put together action steps to get to our ultimate goal of the change we desire. For others, change slaps people in the face - for example, loosing a loved one unexpectedly; however, that immediate change than transfers itself into a transitional time. You have to transition into not having that person in your life anymore, not picking up the phone to dial their number that you'll never forget, and not having a tangible relationship with that person anymore. It's that transition time that is different for every single person. I don't transition through changing things in my life or having this changed in my life the same way that my best friend, boyfriend, mother, or some bum on the street does. I realized a lot today in this meeting, and immediately had so many reasons and explanations for everything I do, say, the way that I act in certain situations that I picked up the phone and rattled them off to my boyfriend. Poor guy, he probably thinks I'm nuts, but I found that in me expressing how I transition, it helps us to better understand one another or at least him to better understand me.
One thing I took away from this meeting/training, was that I needed to find out more about myself, who I am, and what I believe to better understand who I am and how I transition through life. Life is ever changing and it is so vital to not let yourself get in the way of the amazing changes that can take place. Just looking at who I was 10 years ago, in high school - a totally carefree, no strings attached to much, loving life, probably not doing things I should've been doing - I have changed SO much and in some really great and some not so great ways. One person in the group said that she journals... something I have never had an interest in doing, something that sounded boring and blah! But here I am, writing, writing, writing about what I've learned and look forward to this being a place that I can write my feelings about things happening in my life and to be able to share who I find out I am with people I love. These journal entries may be as simple as me saying at the end of the day if I was "Happy or Miserable" and a short sentence of why but I will make it a point to journal every. damn. day..
I tend to be like a clam - hard to open up, but once you can crack my strong shell and hold on everything inside, I might have some treasure to share with you... I hope (there goes the negative voices in my head... I'll explain that later).
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