Today... Is it over yet?!

This morning started for me at 6:00am. You know when you wake up in shock - like maybe you slept through your alarm clock or you had a bad dream that seemed to real - it sucks. That's how my day started. In shock. It was not either of the types of shock I just described, I woke up in panic not remember what time I was supposed to work today.... the worst.


I'll give you a little back story... At the beginning on the week, my coworker asked me if I was available to switch shifts with him on Friday (he normally works 12-8:30, I work 10-6:30 ). I told him sure, just get it checked by the boss man and let me know! (He never let me know....)


I needed to get the answer ASAP or do I just go in at my regularly scheduled time and say "Oops, you're fault, you didn't tell me if our switch-a-roo was approved or not, TOO BAD, SO SAD" or did I text him right now and say, "Hey, did you ever get our switch approved, let me know" and expect to get a response within two minutes. Let's just say neither of those happened for me. I did send the text, but didn't get a response until an hour and a half later - an hour and a half before I was supposed to leave my house to go to work. I was livid, to say the least and needed help.


Who do I always go to for help? Mom. I picked up the phone - rattled off my frustrations and of course, she told me what I didn't want to hear. "Maggie, you told him on Monday you'd work for him, keep your promise!" (VOMIT) I wanted to punish him - he sucks at communication and I am going to SHOW HIM! 


Next person I called - my Fergie. (This woman must get sick of me always asking for advice but I'm secretly just preparing her for her girls to do this later on in life... or something.) Ferg usually always takes my side AND offers me my mothers advise at the same time and give me the option. OMG - can't someone else just fix my problems?! It was time to put my big girl pants on and respond to his late text message. I confidently responded "Hey I'm really sorry... I never heard back from you about the approval till now and I'm already ready to be at work at 10. I'm not going to be able to switch with you today...."


(Freaking out...)


He responds "Ok I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner but is there anyway we can make it work, I was supposed to be having dinner with my family." (He just got engaged, his fam is in town from NJ... he has every weapon to twist my arm)


I said, "Ya, ok, see you at 12." (Still pissed but realized I have NO place in being the one to punish him. He is a grown man and will figure it out, or not... Not my ball of clay to sculpt)


Finally I get a hold of my boyfriend - a man who has constantly challenged me to grow in my communication (if you don't know me very well, I quite frankly suck at communicating my feelings at times) - and he tells me everything I need to hear and I love him more and more everyday because of this. Of course, these things are not easy and will not be easy but I have to swallow this pill and move on with my life. I have honestly realized that I can at times be a carpet for people to walk all over. I don't always express how I feel in situations or what I want to do. 


Today is a day that will change all of that. I will no longer be the girl everyone goes to because they know they will get a "Yes" from me. It is going to be a transition - it will be difficult. Will I say no to everything I don't want to do? Absolutely not. It's just about finding me, what makes me happy, and how to make my time here in this life worth something when I get to the Kingdom. 

“When a man is pushed, tormented, defeated, he has a chance to learn something” - Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes